Welcome to Woof of the Week!
Hi, how are you doing? Great, yeah so I’d like to return this shirt I bought. The reason? Oh um… yeah it just didn’t fit the way I thought it would. Did I try it on in the fitting room? Well um… Are you allowed to ask me that, I’m not sure if I’ve ever been asked that before… Oh, and I definitely did not wear it as part of my Halloween costume… So can I return it?
Welcome to Woof of the Week where I write about the things that made me say “Woof” the longest each week. Whether it’s international news, or just something that happened to a friend of friend - it’ll be featured here.
And don’t forget - you can always submit a Woof by clicking the button below!
Woofs are submitted anonymously so even your most secret Woofs are safe to send. And if you’d just like to submit pictures of dogs you can send those too!
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Now without further ado -
The Mall
Growing up in New Jersey in the late 2000’s and early 2010’s, the mall was the place to be. A concept of youth carried over from their creation and the fall out of the 90s, the general appeal of hanging out at malls likely remained the same - you got to get away from your parents, go to your choice of store, and gossip about the other folks from your small town with the likelihood of it getting back to them being very low.
Or… that’s what I imagine the appeal of hanging out at the mall was. It was never something I did, I actively chose to never hang out at the mall. How could *I* a middle schooler of ~culture~ do something so ~mainstream~ like hang out in a mall? I obviously had better things to do, like shoot “movies” on a pocket digital camera with my friends, hoping to make it big on YouTube – or stay at home.
However, now in Los Angeles, as a grown adult in the age of dying third spaces I spend an inordinate time in the most artificially manufactured third space there is to exist - the malls of Los Angeles County. And it was at one such mall that I happened upon this series of mall advertisements:
“Hey, I’m at the mall. Wbu?”
The frantic feeling of the double texted “Hello??” is very funny to me, implying that when you’re at the mall you’ll definitely be too busy to answer any texts for long enough for someone to feel the need to double text “Hello??”.
For me, being at malls in LA started off for transitory reasons. Parking in LA is hard, or at least unnecessarily annoying. A habit that I started getting into was parking further away from my desired destination to avoid any hassle that would come from parking at my destination - something I most definitely picked up from my Dad & weekend trips to Chinatown NYC, and something that will no doubt infuriate any future partner I will have.
This is most applicable when I go to see movies. In the LA area there are movie theaters that exist near or in busy shopping centers, which makes it quite a nuisance to park. So I, like many others, park at the free parking garages hosted by the nearby malls and then walk over. It’s kind of an unspoken rule - “Need to go to the Americana? Park in the Galleria and walk over!1” I think it’s just understood that, if you have the desire to do so, you can park for free in the mall and then walk to where you’re going.
And I think part of the reason that people don’t get in trouble for this more often is that it forces you to walk through the mall to get to your mall adjacent destination. Boy do they make it a walk from the parking garage to the mall exit. On your walk over there’s so many things to be enticed by: retail stores you used to visit in your younger days, the pretzels, the kiosks operated by one person who is steering a remote control car into your feet. And maybe, just maybe, that enticement will jog the thought “Oh I need this!” and you’ll stop in a store on your way or back from your desired destination. And when your friend is frantically wondering where you are you can tell them “I’m at the mall. Wbu?”
“I need new clothes. Need new shoes too.”
I love the “…” here. The mall advertising team wasn’t brazen itself to write “go to the mall” but by seeing this advertisement while in the mall, you’re supposed to fill in the blanks by looking left and right. Because when you’re at the mall you’re allowed to be over everything you own. You can shop at your heart’s content, to buy new clothes. New shoes too.
One thing I’ve never understood about malls is the understanding that you’re supposed to just carry everything they want you to buy all over the mall. I will simply perish before I have to carry 10 bags back and forth as I can’t decide if the thing I need is at Target or if I can get it cheaper at the Sears that’s going out of business. For a business model that champions the power of choice, you would think more malls would have shopping carts or something of the like.
That being said - I have walked through malls carrying annoying items to hold. And on the trip where I saw these mall advertisements I had brought my own bag with items to return. Then I walked around with an empty bag until I managed to fill it with some stuff that I wanted but didn’t necessarily need.
Is this the mall philosophy working on me? Likely so!
“(emojis)”
If it hasn’t been clear by now, these advertisements are supposed to be targeted at the most coveted demographic: ~the youth~
With the decline of retail stores in the advent of online shopping, it seems like malls in particular are desperate to reel in the next generation by cementing themselves as a place where the next generation of youths can go. In one LA mall there’s a place that’s just a forever Instagram installation. Featuring a bunch of wacky sets, folks can walk in, pay a small fee, and take some pictures. I guess that’s what the kids want right?
As young people create communities and virtual third spaces between Twitch Chats, Discord Servers, and sub-Reddits, the physical nature of the third space seems to be of less importance. There’s of course an inherent value of being able to interact with someone face to face, especially strangers. But there’s an argument that can be made that similar (not necessarily The Same) skills can be honed through these online spaces as long as they are well moderated and the community can keep itself in check. Which is a lot to ask, of course, for the internet
Anyways if anyone can explain this emoji ad to me that’d be great. Unless I’m missing some weird TikTok coded message here, it all feels so random. Which, I imagine is what this boomer marketing team thinks emojis are, right?
“lylas!”
This is how the youth speak. This is how the youth text. This is how the youth communicate if they communicate at all. Duh.
It’s such a desperate plea when companies decide to resort to marketing like this to cater to young people. Especially when these ads were over a closed store in the mall, each one right next to the other. As I took the pictures of the ad, I stepped back to take in these walls of colors and empty copy. It all felt so lazy, so bottom of the barrel.
If malls really wanted to attract the youth or even have to fill a closed shopping space with some type of advertisement or look, why not make that something people can take pictures of/in front of? Hire a local muralist, or hold a community contest. Let the artist promote it on their social media. Make the closed storefront the destination instead of something to pass over, to serve as advertising space, or one of those classic “We’re working on our appearance!” notices.
By doing that, it’s possible that young people walking past the same things I walk past to get to where they need to go, will maybe, just maybe, stop in and buy something they want but don’t need.
g2g!! I’ll ttyl!!
Honorable Mentions
Too many things happen in a week to just talk about one Woof! Here are some of the other things that made me say Woof this week.
(Psst - don’t forget you can subscribe to Woof of the Week too!)
IMDb TV
**DISCLAIMER** - I have done VERY LITTLE reading into IMDb TV so these will just be my gut reaction thoughts to a platform whose ads have taken over my social feeds.
Take a second to say every word of the abbreviation:
Internet Movie Database Television.
Say it loud and it sounds ridiculous. Say it soft and it’s almost like praying, for it to not exist.2
For a little context - IMDb is a database for both the public and the entertainment industry, serving as the go-to spot for who’s working or has worked on what movie, TV show, etc. IMDb Pro is (generally) a pretty helpful tool for those in the entertainment industry, getting access to all sorts of knowledge for upcoming projects and the like. It was purchased by Amazon in 1998 (which I’ve learned is the reason IMDb Pro exists. Neato!)
Anyways, at some point Amazon was probably re-evaluating all its owned assets and saw that IMDb wasn’t making enough money (evident of the fact that I get offers to make an account and sign up for pro, all the time) So what happens when a company in the entertainment industry realizes they might not be profitable anymore? They release a new streaming service!
Per Wikipedia, IMDb TV (formerly IMDb Freedive) was “set to further ramp up Amazon's ad-supported video strategy, with brands like AT&T, Procter & Gamble, Verizon and PepsiCo running 15- and 30-second advertisement spots within IMDb TV's movies and shows.” Maybe Amazon realized that making multi-million dollar series on Amazon Prime Video for users who are paying around $150 per year might not be profitable!3
It’s helpful to note that IMDb TV allows Amazon account owners to stream its offerings for free because of the aforementioned ads. Currently their premiere original offering is “Judy Justice” which is not a parody of “Judge Judy”, but actually the latest incarnation of the show “Judge Judy” following its series finale last year, starring Judge Judy herself. I can imagine all the streaming savvy audiences will be tuning in for that. Additionally, IMDb TV offers movies I’ve wanted to re-watch for awhile like Drive and Sorry to Bother You, but they are both definitely not movies I want to be interrupted with ads4.
At this point, I have more questions than answers. Is IMDb TV something for junior execs at Amazon Prime Video to have fun with? Are people chomping at the bit to get a show sold to the newest kid on the block, IMDb TV? Who will be watching IMDb TV? I really really want to know!
As we continue to face down the event horizon of content offerings and their ability to simultaneously provide and take away content from us, we can now add another streaming service into the mix. Thanks Amazon!
This Netflix Facebook Post
Honestly I love that Netflix was self aware enough to make this post. Or did they make this special just to be able to post this? 🤔 A Woof from top to bottom, but a lovable Woof at that ! #tistheseason I suppose.
Bonus Woof Screenshot:
Now THAT’s what I call Woof-Mas.
Quote of the Week
Every week I’ll dive back into my Apple Notes where I write down quotes that I’ve heard from friends, Romans, and countrymen in real life, unless otherwise noted.
This week’s quote is from earlier this year (2021):
I had an alright day today and alright days are pretty good days these days.
Said in the uncertainty of 2021 as we headed into some of the worst COVID conditions in the US, ever, somehow this quote still resonates. As someone whose personal life has now been dedicated to recuperating from the exacerbated conditions of my professional life, this quote resonates with me pretty strongly! Hoping to spend the next few months dedicated to making strong lifestyle changes to rectify this. Who’s with me? (I’ll just imagine the cheering from the crowd)
That’s all folks!
Thanks for reading this week’s edition of Woof of the Week! Leave a comment because I’d love to hear your thoughts! Some questions I have for you -
When was the last time you were at a mall?
Are you gonna watch “Judy Justice” or “All I want for Christmas is You”?
Did you have a good day today?
See you on the next one!
Submit Your Woof!
Got a Woof you want to share? Click below to submit your Woof.
Woofs can be submitted anonymously so even your most secret Woofs are safe to send. And if you’d just like to submit dog pictures you can send those too!
That’s one for the LA heads in the chat.
Was this joke worth it, be honest.
I believe that no streaming services are profitable but that’s a story for another day.
One thing I didn’t have time to test was if my Amazon Prime account would bypass the ads that allegedly would play while watching Drive, or if my ad blocker was effectively blocking the ads as well.