The "Sign" of a Good Woof
"You're really in touch with your emotions, aren't you?" – my 20 year old cousin
Welcome to Woof of the Week!
I’ve been on the road for the past two weeks and boy do the side effects of traveling suck! From early morning TSA troubles, to the return of jet lag induced insomnia, and to not getting to eat my favorite pizza in New Jersey, I can pretty much sum up every annoyance I’ve experienced in the past two weeks with, you guessed it, “Woof!” But I’ve gotten to see family, friends, a new city, two little cousins, and a wedding so I retract my Woofs – it’s been a good time! Except for stepping in a fresh vomit after parking my car tonight. That Woof remains…
This is “Woof of the Week” where I write about the things that made me say “Woof” the longest each week. Whether it’s international news, or just something that happened while I was parking my car in the rain – it’ll be broken down in excruciating (and hopefully entertaining) detail here.
This newsletter will come out Every Week (I promise!) so make sure you don’t miss an issue by hitting the Subscribe button below -
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(Drip (down?) coffee economics am I right?)
I plan on experimenting with audio and video components that will have you saying “Woof” when you think about the amount of work that will go into making this newsletter - and would love to have you all onboard for the ride!
Around the World in 80* Woofs
*more like, a handful of bullet points
Here’s some headlines and stories this week that made me say “Woof”
Who else thinks that President Biden’s classified document scandal is a clumsy attempt to reach across the aisle to some swing voters? Anyone? Just me?
I’ll show myself out.How do you save a company money? Don’t pay rent for its offices anymore! Everyone please Tweet at Elon and tell him he’s doing a great job!
The Golden Globes were televised this year and they were “better than ever” – despite being the definitive awards show Woof, a lot of great people got recognition they deserve, namely Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan, and Quinta Brunson to name a few!
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See a Woof, Rank a Woof
Despite the multitude of Woofs the last two weeks, there is one that stands above all else. It calls into question the boundaries of community, morality, and the gray area between financial investment and emotional attachment.
And I can’t write about it. Frankly it’s not even my Woof to share.
I’ve been tossing and turning the last few nights, wondering how I’d be able to top the thing that truly made me say “Woof” the longest last week. And it got me thinking about the process of choosing a Woof of the week. I mean it’s not like I have a stopwatch out every time I say “Woof”. (But maybe I should…?)
As I revive this newsletter after a year-long hiatus, I thought I should get in touch with my inner Woof detector. A “Woof” is a feeling; how do you rank that?
I decided to make this week’s newsletter an exercise – over the last two weeks I’ve taken pictures of a lot of signs that have made me say “Woof”. So, by identifying the Woofy elements and ranking them on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being the woof-iest), perhaps I’ll be able to establish a system of ranking Woofs going forward. Plus it’ll distract me from the oh-so-good Woof that is practically begging to be put on paper.
“Cop-Shot” - Somewhere in Queens, NY
This is a graphic design and typography mess. From the blood smear, to the cross hairs for the “O” in “Shot”, to the weird “H” in the phone number, this billboard thinks it’s going hard when it’s really just cruising for a bruising. The combination of graphic design hellscape and moral quandaries around the police as an institution certainly shoot this one high up on the Woof scale. I’d have to give this an 8 out of 10, certainly making me say Woof loudly, but not as much as the Woof I can’t write about!
"BurgersSandwichesPizza” - Newark Airport, NJ
This sign is the epitome of the United Terminal in Newark airport. Don’t get me wrong, the terminal is nice. There’s a ton of shopping/food options, plenty of seating, and power outlets aplenty. But its design choices are also so… much, and this sign, pointing to the equivalent of the convenience store in any airport terminal is representative of that.
Do I like all of these things? Of course.
Do I want to see them all on one sign? Debatable
Do I believe this terminal actually offers all of these things? Hell No!
For encouraging American excess, much like the Woof I can’t write about, and for making me think Ramen Cheesesteaks could be a real thing for a second, I give this a 6.5 on the “Woof” scale.
Yeah, we’re doing decimals!
“Live Animal Feeding” - North Carolina Museum of Natural Sciences, NC
Look, I get it – this is a museum, not a zoo, or an aquarium. And yes, I did see other live animals in the museum that also had live feedings. But when you start advertising feeding lobsters as an attraction… I’m gonna have some questions.
Like, is watching lobsters eat something… cool? Is it supposed to be some type of performance art piece to get us to rethink eating lobsters? And… again is watching a lobster eat, like… cool…?
I want to believe the Raleigh museum had good reasons to advertise this. Much like the person who said the “Woof” I can’t write about what they said. But for now, I don’t think I’ll be in Raleigh on a Tuesday anytime soon. Lobster feeding gets a 7!
“Fragile” - CORMuseum, NC
This is a classic, “Don’t think of a pink elephant. Now what are you thinking of?” type of scenario. Every fiber of my being wanted to touch the fragile carnival horse and disturb the historic bricks. Yet I kept my hands to myself as I am not a child. However both of these are next to a children’s playroom so I’m curious as to how well these signs work.
I am very much in that same situation now, wanting to write about a Woof even though I know I shouldn’t. But I will exercise my better judgement and will not. These signs both get a 5 out of 10, as they could be Woofier admittedly.
“When You See Me” - Burbank, CA
I think Flinders Insurance Agency watched Breaking Bad and decided that they wanted to be Walter White. When I think “insurance” I don’t “see” anyone. What I do “see” is this slogan, over and over again, and marvel at its absurdity and intensity.
Who founded the agency? Why are they so intense about insurance? And how could I not think of insurance if I see Flinders after they insist I associate their image with insurance? Mixed messaging, very much like the big “Woof” that I can’t write about! A 7.5 out of 10.
In Conclusion…
Let’s be real, all of the rankings could change at any time. I could write a whole Woof of the Week on any one of those signs, form a larger narrative around the specific reasons on why I said “Woof” and what the emotional impact of that was, if any.
A “Woof” is a feeling, a reaction to a curious or intriguing situation, event, or object. And this newsletter is about ruminating on and processing that reaction, and maybe discovering something about the world, or myself, by doing so. So what if I can’t write about the actual Woofiest event in my life last week, there are plenty of other things to process about this very interesting world that we inhabit.
Thanks for reading! I’m hoping to get back on the regular release schedule next week. I would love to hear how you’ve felt about the newsletter so far!
AND if you’ve stuck around this long, I’ll let up – the big Woof was that the priest officiating my cousin’s wedding used Hallmark movies as an example of true love.
What a Woofy world.
Quote of the Week
This week’s quote is from 2022:
There’s something meaningful about doing something genuinely.
Although this newsletter played out like a Clickhole article I still feel like we got there in the end. I haven’t put my heart into something in what feels like a long time, so returning to WotW and sharing my thoughts feels good.
That’s all folks!
Thanks for reading this week’s edition of Woof of the Week! Leave a comment because I’d love to hear your thoughts! Some questions I have for you -
Any examples of Woof-y signs or bad typography come to mind?
Have you been to Raleigh? They’ve got a really nice airport!
Is watching a lobster eat… cool?
See you on the next one!
Submit Your Woof!
Got a Woof you want to share? Click below to submit your Woof.
Woofs can be submitted anonymously so even your most secret Woofs are safe to send. And if you’d just like to submit dog pictures you can send those too!
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